Happiness be yourself



We all had a perfect start of our lives, because all children are born happy, they are happy in the present. They feel happy and receive the feelings of happiness from their mother ( and fathers as well), this exchange of feelings is also transmitted by body contact.

By giving birth, mothers fall in love with their child automatically. Nature has provided a mindfull mother for all of us. ( fathers have the ability too, to choose mindfulness). This mindfulness is transmitted by feelings ( mentally) and providing the needs of the child ( physically ).

The mother’s body own drugs are being activated by giving birth and this drug production will last for about 6 months. 

After that period, the mindfulness the baby receives / feels, depends on the inner balance of the mother (and father). 

The more inner balance, the better the non verbal communication with the child will be. 

The communication between mother and child is based on an exchange of feelings, this already exists before given birth.  

This is the natural possibility the child has to communicate. 

After being born, the child’s body language and sounds are also used by the child to express the feelings and needs of the child. 

This perfect ability of the child to communicate using its feelings will last a life time, if the child is able to hold on to it. 

At the moment the child learns how to speak, it can use speech to tell   freely what it thinks and feels.

The child is not (yet) restricted in sharing and showing its feelings and sharing its thoughts.


Children share their happiness unconditionally with every one. Even those who treat them unmindful, the child will hold on being mindful for itself and keeps on sharing that. 

THAT is their natural behaviour, being mindful. They feel, think and act in connection with all their energies. 

This gives them a structural good / happy feeling, an inner balance.

There is no need what so ever for a child to give up this happiness feeling.

A structural happiness feeling we all experienced and felt as a child and recognise when we meet children.

That happiness feeling is so beautiful and strong, that you are not able to ignore or push it away for the rest of your life, what ever you do. This feeling is anchored in your ‘feeling memory’.

All children invite us to do the same, to share mindfulness with them too. 

What our children want, need and deserve, is a mindful social emotional development and education, in a mindful environment. 

They deserve and need people around the child who encourage the capacities / interests every child has. Guide the individual child to help them to develop themselves, using all the energies they have mindfully. This way adults will show them a good example.

All children are auto didactic, what they experience they learn it themselves. If their interests are supported they learn quickly. 

if the are pressed to learn without their interest, they learn slowly.

The most important for all children is to stay mindful.

Children want to stay happy of cause.

The only thing we have to do is : 

let them be and stay who they are. 

This is also a HUMAN RIGHT.

Being Happy means: be able to keep their structural happiness feeling. 

That is the best state of mind for the present moment and the child’s future. 

Being happy is the best for their social emotional development. 

This development path starts with sharing mindfulness and gradually the child’s thinking power will get evolved. 

That’s the moment where children also copy behaviour and behaviour patrons of parents, other children and adults around them like ‘teachers’. 

The child gradually start to experience to find its own way. Experiences where the child’s both, feelings and thinking power, is involved. If they cross boarders, by behaviour who is not mindful, the child must be guided mindfully. Explain why there are boarders, by telling the child what the difference is between mindfulness and being unmindful. 

By telling the child that crossing boarders is a normal act we all did experience.

If the child is judged and punished for crossing boarders, the whole process of their necessary social emotional development has become a negative process for the child. 

The child becomes anxious and does not know what to do, because we have blocked the possibility to experience this process in a mindful way. 

How on earth should a child develop its SOCIAL -EMOTIONAL development in way it will and can use all its energies to stay happy. 

We make that impossible if we judge the child and if we force it to dominate its feelings. 

Impossible If we disconnected the child from their natural feelings and condemn their female side.

If the child is mindful and it receives unmindful reactions of other children or adults, we have to support the child in explaining that unmindful reaction of others is not to be interpreted as if the child does something wrong by approaching others mindfully.

This to prevent guilt feelings by the mindful child and to prevent that the child copy unmindful behaviour.


By the time children reach their puberty age, they themselves want to decide how they act, based on the previous experiences they had.

Mindful children will mindfully experience this period and be open for mindful support. They will try to use all their energies mindfully, by feeling, thinking and acting in connection with all their energies.


Those who were disconnected from their original inner being, their feelings, want no interference whatsoever and make their own decisions. 

The will use their thinking power to dominate their feelings, as they have learned to do so. They exclude their mindful energy of their feelings.

Now correcting or punishing them for crossing boarders gets very hard. When for instance they dominate ( bully) others, they execute exactly what we have learned them. We have forced them into this domination behaviour. 

We have learned them to dominate their feelings and by doing that they have lost this connection with themselves, they have lost respect for itself, others and nature.

At the same time they have to deal with the strongest energy of all: their sexual energy. 

The production of male (Testosteron) and female hormones (oestrogen) will activate and feed their sexual energies.

Mindful support will make it easy for them who stayed mindful, to enjoy this sexual energy mindfully. 

To Enjoy it and share it when it occurs, without the pressure of having to reach the kickfeeling of an orgasme. It may happen but is not a must. 

Those who were disconnected with their original inner being and dominate their feelings, can develop shame feelings and use their dominant thinking power to use this strongest energy only for the highlight: the orgasme. 

Dominating your feelings such as your sexual energy, is an abuse of your thinking power.

If you share your sexual energy, having excluded your feelings, others witch who you share this with can easily be / feel abused. 

Mainly women and children are hurt by this way of dealing with the sexual energy. 

Note: Women who have adapted the male domination attitude, (this is happening more and more) are accepted and respected more in the world we are living in.

Where domination is common and abuse is tolerated in many societies.


We all know and even scientists have found out likewise: Being happy is the best for the social emotional process and for the education process, all the child capacities will flourish.

Being happy is the best for their health, for their body and mind.

Being happy is the best for others and for our environment.


All over the world we can conclude that the human right to be and stay who you are, is not honoured for most of our children.

We (over) activate the male side of children, (and that of adults) with the goals: reach status and power.

We obstruct/ block/ condemn their female side, with the goals: care and welfare. 

We force children to use all their energies we activated within them, to dominate their feelings and to think and act in order to reach status and power.

We condemn their female side by telling them that you do not need it. It is childish behaviour and you need to learn how you can control it by using your thinking power. ‘You have to grow up’ that’s our  message to them. 

There is no room for ‘feeding’ – maintaining mindfulness.


We force our kids into an unnatural behaviour. 

We tell our kids they have to become somebody, they have to learn hard to gain status and power. ‘That is your new goal for reaching happiness in the future’ we tell them.

We start to judge them by the general targets we made for them, without respecting nor specifically activate their individual interests, the individual capacities / interest of the child. 

The child can not escape and If it does not join this immoral ‘race’ , they are a called a looser. If you fail, too.

This force, we, people they trust such as: parents, teachers, doctors and society, put upon our children , can be so severe, that they at the end THEMSELVES decide to judge themselves as ‘ obviously not good enough’.

We force our children to make this decision at a very young age. 

We force them to give up their structural happiness feeling in the present, their being, in exchange for a uncertain future.

This is impossible for children to understand. They wonder why we do this to them, because they feel happy in the present. This decision they have to make themselves, makes children anxious and unhappy. 

This unhappy state of mind also gives manipulators the possibility to get power over these anxious and unhappy children. They have become vulnerable.

Only the less intelligent children we spare, we do not start to judge them and as we all now: they may stay who they are and as we all see they stay happy. We do call these children, disabled ! ? Because they are judged being not intelligent enough for reaching status and power. 

Intelligence has got nothing to do with the ability we all have and are born with: feeling happy.


The result of this education ideology is :

-We force children at a very young age, to make a inhumane and unlawful decision THEMSELVES, by forcing them to reject themselves the way they are born. From that moment on we call the original you, you ‘inner child’, classifying it as something that ought to be hidden.

-This is traumatising them and disconnecting them from their own being. This is Disconnecting them from the ability / possibility to use all their energies mindfully. This is disconnecting children from the ability to be mindful for themselves.

-We thereby obstruct their natural brain use and their natural brain growth. ( this is also been proven by scientists)

-The child looses the contact and respect for itself and thus the respect for others and nature.

-The child looses it’s creativity as a result of this restrained brain use, specially the female brain disconnection. 

-We changed the natural personality of the child by force by  using this huge pressure.

-We cause the feeling of loneliness, by disconnecting children from themselves, wich can make them an easy victim of manipulators, bullyers , loverboys etc so to say for physical and mental abuse.

-Autism is in my opinion one of the results of our education ideology. 

A result of a lack of connection with the female side of the child as a result of an over activated male brain in just a small part of they brain section. 

-We, at the same time, learned children to discriminate, (bullying), by judging them. Because that is the way and moment, discriminating / bullying behaviour is developed. By the decision of the child by starting to judge itself. Because of that children no longer feel people, they start judging people on their appearance, knowledge and skills. By doing that they stopped treating everybody equally.

-We force children to (ab) use their thinking power to dominate their feelings with their thinking power.

( this will NEVER succeed, your inner child won’t stop asking you to be mindful again for yourself ) 

-We show children that everything what involves the targets to reach status and power is accepted, even abuse of power is tolerated. 

The reason of this toleration of power abuse is : we do not agree, but we identify our selfs with the abusers of power.

-We turned the children’s social emotional development into a race. The winners are those who are the most successful at school /  in gaining status and power. The better the child’s results are at school the more they are praised / loved by their parents, praised by their teachers in front of classmates etc. This way the child’s transforms in somebody the others want it to become. The child’s feels rejected the way it originally is / feels.

-We learned children to get a kickfeeling of having success and by dominating everybody and everything including nature ( flora and fauna) by disconnecting them from their female side. 

-We also cause a Hormonal ‘status and power race ‘ confirmation for boys and a contra diction for girls:

-For boys, the start of the production of the hormone testosteron will confirm and strengthen the goals of reaching power and status. 

During the peak production period of Testosteron ( approximately at the age of between 12 and 20 years) boys can develop extreme dominant behaviour

-For girls, the production of the hormone oestrogen will bring up the feeling of the need of care and welfare. This creates a constant intern struggle with their identity, where reaching the male side goals the leading ideology represents.

-We show and learn our children that everything what involves your natural feelings/ emotions is declared taboo, or suppressed, especially the sexual Energie. 

When the child’s natural sexual feelings/emotions occur, they are also immediately ( to be ) dominated by thinking power. 

They are only allowed to emerge or being shown on the command / wish of thinking power. 

We restrain the mindful joy of our sexual energy and reduce it to only one thing: to reach the highlight: the kickfeeling of an orgasme.

We harm our kids by putting nearly every thing where your feelings are involved in the taboo corner, specially the feelings of their sexual energy and the optical appearances of it.

We forced our children to abuse their thinking power to dominate their feelings already before their sexual energies get activated.

If their sexual energy emerges, they use this energy and the optical appearances of it for the kickfeeling. 

We also commercialised it and especially woman and children are harmed by doing this.

The target of your dominating thinking power is to get an orgasme, as quick and as many times as possible. Regardless your feelings and the feelings of a partner. That makes the use of drugs like cocaine popular for those who dominate their feelings, because cocaine has the similar effect as an orgasme.

That domination of their feelings makes it impossible to enjoy their sexual energy mindfully. 

Enjoy your sexual energies mindfully and share that is so much more than the just highlight: the orgasme.


As a result of the traumas of parents, teachers, doctors etc. who had the same experience as a child, they are all convinced that their education ideology is the best.

The children who are not willing to fit in, can experience severe penalties, exclusion, up to violence / child abuse, in order to break their strong will. ( according to writers own experience)

Doctors are also using their knowledge and medicine to force children into our education ideology.

According to writers own experience: Children with a high intelligence are able to see through the education ideology at a young age, because their intelligence makes it possible to look critical at their own behaviour and that of others. 


The results of our education ideology are: 

-We force children to reject THEMSELVES and obstruct our children’s brain functioning / use and growth. 

-We force children to abuse their thinking power to dominate their feelings, therefore we block the possibility to use all their energies mindfully.

The proof of the fact we brainwash our children is given by the fact that it is very hard and painful to regain being mindful for yourself again, being yourself again, after being brainwashed. You have to undo your OWN decision of rejection yourself, you where forced to make as a child. 


By brainwashing children, we cause a structural inner unbalance, a structural feeling of unhappiness. This lack of inner peace will cause too much stress. This stress level causes an unhealthy structural too high level of cortisol. Causing more illnesses and prolonging the illnesses you are suffering.

We ‘steel’ our children’s inner balance, their structural happiness feeling and replace it for a life where it is all about the kick happiness feeling. 

Some children are so desperately searching for attention, they even tolerate abusing them, like for instance being bullied. 

This kind of unmindful ‘attention’ also gives them a short moment of good feelings, even thou it hurts also at the same time.

The perpetrator gets a kick feeling  out of this dominant behaviour. Bullying is a proof of a severe inner unbalance. 

A kickfeeling is the only way to feel happy, this is the result of their incapacity to find their inner balance again. Longing for the feeling of happiness they go for this kickfeeling.

Even though we KNOW, living only for the kick feeling is never providing a structural happiness feeling. 

Because we all know:

If your goal is to reach the feeling of structural happiness by gaining status and power, you will find out that the only feeling of happiness you will find on this path is the kickfeeling. 

Those who reach status and power, even those who abuse this and those who do not reach status and power, both will  stay unhappy.

Unhappy people can become hopeless, because of their structural inner unbalance, their feeling of unhappiness. 

Their inner child will keep on asking to be mindful for yourself again, it will never stop letting you know – letting you feel this. 

You can never successfully stop or push away the ‘voice’ of your inner child. Even thou your thinking power can make you THINK you are happy, by providing many kicks. The ultimate purpose of this choice is to find out that these happiness kicks without your feelings involved will never give you inner balance.

Those who try the hardest to let their inner child shut up are likely to get addicted to the kickfeeling they get of their abuse of power. 

This Power abuse is concerning your own feelings and the feelings of others. 

These very unhappy people can harm themselves severely this way. 

They can ‘ burn themselves out’ 

They even can decide to commit serious crimes and harming many other people, by abusing their thinking power.

Power abuse is always a result of a disconnected brain use. A partial and limited brain use, mainly of your male side. 

The smaller the brain activity gets, the more your thoughts change your opinion into a ‘tunnel vision’. 

Power abuse is always committed for one reason: to reach this kickfeeling.

(Mindful people do NOT abuse their power. )

The more inner unbalance the more this abuse occurs, the abuser can easily get severely addicted to this kickfeeling. This kickfeeling is a result of the production of body own drugs and like any other addiction, you have to abuse more and more to get this kickfeeling again and again. 

Severely addicted people can reach for stronger / multiple kicks, by raping others, they can abuse – rape  even the least powerful: children! They then combine the kickfeeling of their power abuse with the kickfeeling of an orgasme.



Above all we learned our children to accept / tolerate abuse of power. We forced children to abuse their thinking power to dominate their feelings and that’s why identification occurs with the power abusers, although we not really agree.



As children, we were forced to believe that our happiness depends on our status and power level. 

This brainwash is so successful that many of us believe this and that is exactly the trick people use to manipulate you. 

Powerful people (ab) use their power to threaten you, by telling you: if you do not listen to me you will loose your status and power position. 

Their tools are their inhumane systems, protocols etc.

(Mis) used by them to avoid taking responsibility, because these systems are at the same time everybody and nobody.

Criticise the system is not allowed.

Because this manipulators tool is benefiting them and obedient people relay on the system.

This manipulation is very effective and the majority of people obey, developing a Stockholm syndrome out of fear. 

They get used to receive and react on fear messages and they start to reject mindful messages.

So the best ‘trade’ there is, is not the trade in arms or drugs, that is : spreading fear.

The ‘spreading fear tactics’ maintain this obedient reaction until it gets unbearable for people. Eventually they will start to revolt.


This ideology WE force our children to adapt is child abuse.

Because this ideology is brainwashing our children. 

They are forced to let go of who they originally are. By not allowing them to be who they are, we discriminate them and abuse our power over them. 


Every one has the HUMAN right to be and stay who you are.

This right includes freedom of speech. 

You are always entitled to say what you feel and think.

Speaking on behalf of others (adults)  is only allowed with their explicit permission, on specific items.

Parents are allowed to speak for their children and they may represent their children, making decisions for them, but only if it benefits their children. 

The judges in a court have the same responsibility towards children. 

Benefiting children is all about to always act in order to make it possible for the child to stay happy.

Discrimination is forbidden by law, because we all have equal rights.

Abuse of power is forbidden by law. 

Dictators will not honour these rights, by rejecting these rights they cause inequality. 


Every human has the right to be treated equally and respectfully. 

Everybody has the right to drink healthy water, breathe healthy air, eat healthy food. 

There is enough to nourish all people, but we will never be able to ‘satisfy ‘ the greedy ones.


Why do most of us continue this ideology as we can conclude : this ideology/ strategy of dominating destroys everything and everyone ?

Because we KNOW there is only ONE WORLD.

Never the less, we pollute our selves and our children physically and mentally and our environment in a way we will extinct human kind.

We ‘consume’ the world, destroying our future. Including consuming the future of our children already NOW.

We act as if we own the world and even if you like to think that way, we are doing a bad job. 

Nobody has the right to pollute our world.

We give our children a very bad example.

All over the world children are protesting and striking schools.

‘What is the use of education if the responsible ones do not listen to the educated.’

Their message: adults are destroying the world for us, children, already.



Why don’t we use all our knowledge and energies to our benefits our mutual goal: to let our children be and stay happy, by ‘feeding’ this biggest and most important talent ! That will produce happy adults as well. 

This way adults and children will also be mindful for others and our world. 


There are some countries who got aware and changed their education ideology, for instance Finland.


If man Kind want to survive, awareness is the way to change.

A structural inner Happiness provides mental and physical healthiness and a peaceful life too, to share with all others.

It connects you with yourself, with others and nature.

We humans need the world to survive in a way we can survive as a species, the world does not need human kind to survive.


We all try to feel as happy as possible. Because we all experienced this structural happiness feeling as a child. 

A perfect start. 

So if we all have experienced this structural happy feeling we know where we are looking for and we know what to do to preserve it or regain it.

Be yourself, accept yourself the way you originally are, be mindful for yourself, in order the be able to be happy in the present. 

The only thing we have to do is ‘feed’ this ability we all have, our greatest talent of all: to be mindful, to hold on to your self love, or regain it again. 

We have to stop learning our children to judge themselves and thus all others. Stopping That will provide equality, and prolong the happiness feeling of the children. 

If you ask unhappy people about the times they felt happy, they always mention: their childhood period, being in nature, being with animals, being on vacation. 

These are all circumstances where you are not likely to be judged, were you easily feel free to be yourself. 

Like in these communities all over the world where all members strive to not judge themselves nor others, you directly feel at home there. 

At home, because you feel you can be yourself again without judging yourself or being judged by others. 

Children who are not allowed to decide what they want to do / discover and experience, who not allowed to follow and experience their own interests in their own way and own (unlimited) time, loose contact with themselves, they loose their own identity. They loose their creativity and fantasy. 

Creativity and fantasy are THE tools to solve complex problems and to avoid getting annoyed, fit the present and in the future.


Our present education ideology is based on the goals of gaining status and power. 

There is no room in our education ideology for being mindful for yourself and share your mindfulness with others. 

The same lack we find in the medical world, the healthcare, and in science. 

There are exceptions where mindfulness is tolerated, but they are rarely supported, even by our healthcare. 

Although proved successful.

The people who have great power and status are only interested in a mindful life style, if their level of status and power remains or increases.

Our present education ideology disturb the inner balance of children and adults by over activating their thinking power. 

Your thinking power can only provide the kickfeelings. Where your thinkingpower let you think that this kickfeeling is THE happiness feeling. This life style make people vulnerable, makes them depending on these kickfeelings.

These alternative happiness feelings we create with our thinking power, these kick feelings, will not provide your structural happiness feeling. This can easily lead to the abusing of power, concerning your very own self and concerning others.

As we all can observe and experience: the abuse of power is everywhere around us.

This is man kinds unnatural behaviour and violates the equal rights, especially women and children are victims of this attitude. 

Some people think that their way to gain status and power is insufficient or blocked. They therefore commit serious crimes to improve their status and power level.

At the end of chasing these goals constantly this chase can / will make you sick, as severely sick as having a burn out or even worse.

A burn out is a positive sign, it means: get aware and change your way of living to prevent worse.

Awareness can occur.


But how and where to start changing?

Our behaviour, behaviour patrons and automatic thoughts, can be changed by using your thinking power to support your feelings.

Awareness is the first step. 

Be aware that it is important to divide all impressions you receive into important and in non important ones. Skip de non important ones, that sounds easy, but it is not.

This reduces stress and creates the possibilities to learn to ignore or by-pass your current behaviour , your behaviour patrons and automatic thoughts. 

This process will take time, practise this over and over again. 

Do not judge yourself if you are not satisfied with progress on this road of awareness. On this road there is no form of progress, you are on it and that’s alright the way it is.

If your mindfulness is lost for a moment, no need to worry, you will get back on this path again. Do not  judge yourself for loosing it, because this makes it harder to get on this path of mindfulness again.

On this path you are actually embracing all your energies mindfully again and accept yourself the way you are in the present. 

On your way to become yourself, the originally you. They call this awareness : embracing / connecting yourself with your inner child again, mindfully. Let it free.

People around you who therefor loose power over you will judge you on your changes being mindful for yourself again. 

Automatically you attract mindfulness experiences and people who have also chosen for mindfulness.


Your brain can be reconnected with all your energies mindfully. Reconnected with your female side, reconnected with your sexual energy in a mindful way, etc. 

Your thinking power is now using your thinking ability to support you in being mindful for yourself.

You regain your natural behaviour again, being mindful for yourself and share that feeling unconditionally with all others, who you treat equally.

You regain, feeling connected with yourself, with others and nature.

You regain your creativity in the way you feel, think and express yourself.

You regain your structural feeling of happiness again, your natural behaviour. 

You regain your inner balance and are able to find it again, if you experience a temporary unbalance, this you can do without help of others or medicine. 

You become aware that your inner balance, your structural feeling of happiness, does not at all depend on a status or power level.

Being aware of that, nobody can manipulate you on these items anymore. 

You do not need others to make you feel happy and if you want to experience a kickfeeling, this will be no more than an extra good feeling. You are able to feel a structural happiness feeling in the present moment again. 

You choose to share mindfulness.

This Awareness can lead to warship other goals than power and status.

We can choose to warship our children, the air we breathe, the water we drink, our flora and fauna, the sun, etc.

We can choose for mindfulness.

We can choose to get reconnected with our feelings and let them freely occur. Using all your energies mindfully (again) 

Using your thinking power to support your occurring feelings, by informing you what you already had experienced earlier. 

So you can choose which way you want to go.

You will be able to FEEL other people again, as we all did when we where a child, you regain your feeling memory. 

Your feeling memory makes it possible to relive mindful moments and feel them again and again, nearly as strong as they took place. 

Sharing feelings also means you treat all people equal.

You will never feel lonely, being happy with yourself. Even when you are alone, when nobody is around you.

There is so much more to enjoy in life, than living a life for the kickfeeling.

Being mindful you are able to feel, think and act in connection again.

So choose mindfulness, if you do so you will attract people who choose the likewise and create and share mindful moments together .

The best doctor, coach, friend is you.

Choose to be yourself.


L. V. M. Hardeman.

Father of 3 children, writer, journalist, member of the theatre of life.

Note: This is the first English version of the Dutch version. 

The Dutch version is a much longer one and contains also more practical information. 

The things I write about I have experienced myself or was very close involved in. 

I my self have lived trough severe circumstances in my life as a young child. My parents tried to force me to become the way they became, as a result of what they had experienced in their childhood.

As a young child I was aware what was happening and I understood that the most important thing for me was to stay who I am. 

I later found out that my high intelligence made this decision possible for me. 

My decision was the reason for my parents and Christian boarding school priests, to use a lot of violence against me, but my will was never broken. 

And that was and is my luck in my life.

My book is just my effort to make the world more peaceful. 

Thanks for reading it, sharing it, your reactions are welcome